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Could this be a form of OCD


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I know this is a strange thing to think of as OCD, but I am starting to think that this is one way it manifests for my son. He is very appreciative whenever someone does something for him, but he is overly demonstrative in his thanks. Yesterday, he had eye surgery (to fix amblyopia) and he thanked the nurse probably ten times. She even commented on what nice manners he had. I thought they were over the top.

 

When he was 1-2 and we were learning all those life skill phrases like please and thank you, I can remember him saying them to himself later, like he was echoing the phrases. I will never forget my good friend watching him and saying, "I've never seen a kid do that." This is long before we knew about PANDAs, but knew we were having a lot of ear and sinus issues.

 

He learned early that if he said the right things, good things would happen, but I think he is taking this lesson to extremes. He is very cognizant of what people do for him and thanks them which is great, but where is the line between obsessive and overly expressive???

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Have you had a conversation with him about it? Why does he say he thanks people repeatedly for the same single act of kindness?

 

My guess is you're right . . . that it's a compulsion on his part, either because he has a hard time "remembering" that he already thanked someone, or because he feels like the first 5 times he did it he didn't do it exactly right, or because he's waiting for/hoping for a specific response in return so he keeps doing it until that "just right" feeling gets justified.

 

I think it's not too unlike when our kids start asking seemingly innocent questions, seeking reassurance. It initially takes us a while to catch on that the questions keep coming and coming, and that no amount of reassurance is satisfactory. That it is OCD and not just a typical kid looking to know they've said or done the right thing.

 

Maybe you can try telling him that thanking someone once is good and enough, and that if he should ever forget to say "thank you" when he should, you'll be there to discreetly remind him, so he doesn't have to be concerned about forgetting. So, "one and done," but anything more is OCD.

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Agree with Nancy. The other possible "motivation" for the repeats could be an irrational fear that if he doesn't make sure the person knows he's thankful, and something bad happens to him or them, he'll never get another chance to say thanks. Or maybe, if he doesn't say thanks, he might be punished (by God or some cosmic force, depending on his/your beliefs). Or maybe he made a bargain with God before the surgery like "God, if you let me be ok, I promise I'll be extra good for the rest of my life". So there could be a fear of retribution or a form of scrupulosity at play.

 

It could be hard to get him to admit why he does this, because sometimes OCD says "if you tell anyone, something bad will happen" much like a kidnapper tells a kid that if they run for help, the kidnapper will harm the victim and his family. But E/RP has to focus on the fear behind the compulsion, so getting to the reason "why" is an important part of extinguishing the fear.

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My son does the exact same thing all the time except he says "sorry" all the time.... If I say "please close the door". He says sorry, if he asks me a question and I answer it he says "sorry". I keep telling him you don't have to be sorry for asking a question... When others hear him say this so much they probably think I get mad at him all of the time.... Like he has the meanest parents ever... We have never spanked or yelled or hardly ever even raise our voices so for him to always be "sorry" is frusterating. He is also one to need constant reassurance about things so this all must be OCD related. He has never been in therapy, so I am probably not handling this as OCD, and I am giving him the reassurance he needs to get him past whatever the issue is. I don't know if I should be doing anything differently. It is especially hard when like your son people think it is such a nice gesture.... You don't want to discourage him from being nice and polite. I don't have any of the answers for you as to how to handle this, just want to say I also think it must be the OCD. With all of the other more major symptoms of pandas, I usually just let this one pass.

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My son does this as well if I give him something he will say thank you repeatedly and I say your welcome each time until I guess he feels it's just right. In my case it's not just goods manners it's definitely OCD because he will get angry and scream thank you if he doesn't feel it's right. It gets quite frustrating!

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My son went through this OCD phase as well. He would say thank you until someone would say "you're welcome". He would become quite distressed if he didn't get a response. We would often get compliments on his good manners too, but I always felt that it was a compulsion to act so mannerly - it was hard for me to see it just as extreme politeness. Your post confirms my feelings!

 

He also would compulsively apologize and needed someone to say "it's OK" or "I forgive you."

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OMG, I am blown away. It is one thing to suspect this, it is another to have it confirmed. My son also says Sorry for the most innocent of actions. I think to other kids it could come across as low self esteem, not that they would put it that way...

 

Thank you so much for this help. (only once from me, but many times from him!!!)

 

Cobbie

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