Jump to content

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google Plus
  • Youtube
  • youtube


Important Note: The ACN Latitudes Forums will be temporarily offline for 1-2 days starting on Monday, May 1st for a software upgrade. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

Existing forum users need to log into the forums and website with their email address and password. Become a premium member to access enhanced forum features and visit our online store to view our products.

Special Offer: Free 1 Month Trial of our Premium Membership!


The ACN Latitudes Premium Membership provides instant access to over 125+ premium health articles on neurological conditions along with an exclusive premium newsletter. In addition, you will have several enhanced forum features, which include helpful perks such as: no advertisements, live chat room, forum blogging, increased messaging storage, and much more! Your Premium Membership also helps to support the efforts of our non-profit organization. Start Your Free Trial!

 






Photo
- - - - -

OCD jealousy ruining my relationship


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Misspink

Misspink

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 3 posts

Posted 15 April 2008 - 02:53 PM

Hi, I'm new to this forum ting.. but I have been having this same problem for quote some time and it has slowly gotten worse - causing stomach ulcers, my hair falling out, headaches, constantly tense, etc.) I'm 20 years old, I have ADD (I take adderall for it). I am a very jealous girlfriend. May 5th will be my 1 year anniversary with my boyfriend. He is without a doubt the BEST guy I have ever dated, and i know that he loves me and I love him too. We just recently moved in together (february).

Let me give ya'll a little insight on my past first, though: My last boyfriend was the boyfriend from ######.. I lived with him too but only for a month, and it was over a year ago, but I dated him for almost 2 years.. he was one of those guys who sort of "brainwashes" you, he was very controlling (ex: if I bought new clothes or looked cute, he would question me about it, who I was looking all cute for, etc.) He was very mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive. Over the course of our relationship, he broke up with me or "took a break" 8 TIMES! My family liked him at first but then they just grew to dislike him the more he hurt their daughter. Like I said, I lived with him for less than a month, and when I finally got the courage to break it off with him, the only way I knew I could do it was when he wasn't there. He had gone on a business trip for 3 or 4 days, so one morning I emailed my mom (like I usually do) and told her what I wanted to do. By that afternoon, my older brother, my dad and I had the apartment cleaned of my things.. I didn't talk to him at all, when he called my work (like 30 times) i just told him i couldn't talk.. When he finally got back to our apartment I was long gone. That's the end of that..

I met my current boyfriend a week before I moved out from the ex's. in no way did my current boyfriend push me to do that, but over the 4 days that my ex wasn't in town I spent alot of time with him and we started to like each other more and more. In a way, I think he helped me do it (even though he doesn't know) he was the extra little push that I needed to move out of that horrible place. Now, like I mentioned, we live together, have so much fun together, I even got him a puppy for his birthday.. who might as well by our child, lol. He's a very laid-back southern boy, who doesn't play mind games and he hatttttess to fight. The only arguments we have ever had have always been caused by me! He tells me that I just "think too much" .. which is true. I started obsessing over his ex's when I found out about them.. and the number of girls he slept with .. which isn't a high number by the way.. and he's only had 2 ex girlfriends.. soo I know it would definitely be alot worse if I were dating anyone else.. He tells me to leave the past in the past but I just can't help but think about his past.. and everytime i think about it i just relive it, its like it's happening RIGHT NOW and then I just get mad.. I can be at work all day long, and I wont see him until he gets off work later at night.. but throughout the whole day i just get mad over things that happened over a year ago!! It builds up inside me then by the time he gets home from work he can just tell that's something is wrong with me by how im acting.. I eventually spill it, but i look for ways to bring it up and make him look guilty. He hates to fight, so he usually just wont argue with me, but sometimes he will. I know that he loves me and we've talked about getting married someday. His family really likes me, he's always taking me back home with him for weddings and other events. He's from a really small town, so i know pretty much everyone he knows. But when he goes home by himself, I will just cry and cry when he leaves and I just put these scenerios together in my head. . like his ex girlfriends being there.. and i just get so upset. By the time he comes back home to me, I'm mad at him.. for something that I THOUGHT he was doing, but I know he wasn't. I'll bring it up and when he tells me that its not true, i feel like an idiot for thinking that but i'm also torn b/c i really was thinkin about him doing those things.

I know that he worries about me, because my weight fluctuates, i'm constantly having a stomach ache, my headaches, etc. He's told me that he feels bad when I get so upset (which i bring on to myself) because he thinks that I'm just so unhappy with him.. BUt I am! I just dont know how to control these thoughts, obsessions. I have a great job, family and friends who love me. I know that if I knew how to control this problem, that I could be truley happy.. Last night, we were talking about how he's worried about my stomach problems, etc., and he mentioned that his mom and sister both take Zoloft for stress and that maybe i should look into it. Does anyone know if Zoloft helps?? Any advice on all of this would be appreciated more than you know.


#2 canrelatetoo

canrelatetoo

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts

Posted 15 April 2008 - 11:05 PM

I am very sorry for what you are going through, and I can relate to some of the things that you are saying. It can be very difficult to be in a relationship when you are feeling so insecure about things. The mind is such a powerful thing, and try as we may sometimes we can't control it. My husband has suffered for all of our married life with ocd. To say that we have had our bad times would be an understatement. Sometimes, quite often, we wanted or I should say that I wanted to throw in the towel. Now 23 years later I am so happy that I stuck it out. Being the person on the other side of ocd I know how hard jealousy can be. My husband is an extremely jealous man, and sometimes even now it can be hard. Just try your best to be honest, and when overwhelming thoughts take over, take a minute and pause. Life is good, and you know it. Be happy. I'll write again soon.

#3 JennyC

JennyC

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 125 posts

Posted 18 April 2008 - 02:55 PM

I dont have OCD but I have been in the past a very very very jealous woman. Finally when I met my husband I decided that I didnt want to know about his past relationships, I didnt want to know how many people he slept with or anything like that. The only things I wanted to know (pertaining to other woman) were, was he ever married/engaged/living with someone, did he have any STDs. You know what? That did the trick, what I didnt know wasnt tormenting me. There were times when I would be tempted to ask a question but then I had to stop and ask myself if I really wanted to know the answer. I mean seriously, when it all comes down to it does it really matter? Is that information in any way going to positively impact the relationship? Probably not, if anything my question and the answer that goes with it is going to torment me and cause problems. I know you know alot about your boyfriend now but its never to late to STOP knowing anymore about his past love life. You and he are here and now and thats what matters.

#4 alonepoe

alonepoe

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 20 April 2008 - 05:33 PM

I am new here, but wanted to thank everyone for sharing their story. I am 31 yrs old and recently found out i have ocd. Although looking back on it , it was obvious i have had it for a while. I too have found the woman of my dream, but am slowly destroying the relationship. All my irrational fear, and unwanted thought are killing me, and driving her crazy. Every time she goes out the thoughts arise, and don't stop. We have been together for a year, and although i have no reason not to trust her, i always fear the worst. To the ocd extreme. I do not want this, and she fears i am smothering her. I am wonder about medication, but am fearful of side affect and dependency ( i had self medicated for many years) I am wondering if anyone has some good advice, or knows if there are support groups in the Philadelphia area. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks

#5 Misspink

Misspink

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 3 posts

Posted 21 April 2008 - 12:17 PM

Thank you for your comments...

It's so hard NOT to want to know though.. I know that I don't want or need to know anything but I feel like I can't control my mouth! It's so frustrating. I know that life is good. I have a great family and a great job and friends.. I'm only 20 and I have so many worriesa bout my parents.. my dad's retired at the age of 46, so they have money problems.. and I have always felt like it's my DUTY to help those in need; however, it's caused me to be IN NEED now.. I think that I may just blow my problems up into more than what they really are.. I'm going to my doctor today, once again.. He's told me that I have a UTI, even though the test came back negative .. I didnt have enough bacteria in my system for it to be a UTI.. But I have taken 3 anitbiotics and nothing seems to help. Does stress cause stomach pain?? Any girls reading this should understand... so imagine this: Flex your stomach/lower stomach muscles.. and it hurts. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? I've looked up stress and it's causes and symptoms and a lot of them seem to match. (i.e. stomach pain, headaches, irritability, OCD) When I go to the doctor today I'm going to ask him about Zoloft and see if maybe that will help with some of my problems.. I'm just worrying myself sick about my stomach issue and then everything else from my previous post.. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much

#6 strugglingdude

strugglingdude

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts

Posted 05 June 2008 - 01:52 PM

Hello,

I am also a sufferer of OCD, and I have problems with my dating relationships and what I think is my OCD. I'm 24, and every time I have ever started a dating relationship with a girl, I begin to start having thoughts about the last girl that I liked. These thoughts are unwanted and give me GREAT ANXIETY, b/c I feel so guilty for dating someone while still having thoughts and feelings about someone else. Eventually, I get to a point where I have to break off the relationship b/c the thoughts are so constant and give me so much anxiety. This time, I am trying to work through it by telling my girlfriend about these thoughts, but that hasn't really helped. I still have a ton of anxiety and guilt about it and am always wanting to break up with my girlfriend b/c it makes the anxiety go away, but she is awesome and I know that I don't really want to break up with her, it's just my dang OCD. Has anyone ever gone through this as well???? For a long time, I thought it was just fear of committment, which may be part of it. But I feel so guilty for putting her through this...I'm scared that if we do break up, then she's going to feel like I'm going back to the girl I used to like. any thoughts? am I really that crazy?

#7 melly

melly

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:United States

Posted 23 September 2008 - 10:49 PM

hi, I am also new to this, and after reading this post it was like I was listening to myself talk. I have ADHD and take ritilan. I often get stomach aches and head aches too, along with muscle aches in my back. I am not sure if I have OCD, but I obsess over my boyfriends past even though we weren't dating. I bring up things that happend 1 year ago. It bothers me so much if I hold it in and don't say anything I will explode, and I can't lie when my bf asks me whats wrong and we always end up fighting. I am very very jealous even after dating for 2 years. I am insecure and paranoid about my bf going anywhere without me bc I am afraid that one of his exs will be there and hit on him. I dont take my ritalin everyday but, when I do I found that it helps me control my mouth and think clearly and not be so jealous. the thing is it wears off and I get depressed. I am seriously considering getting on medication for depression. let me know if it helps you. thanks so much and hang in there!

#8 Duckily

Duckily

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 26 October 2008 - 12:07 AM

Hi, I am also new and actually signed up because I had a few question that someone might be able to answer and I was kind of hoping that maybe even someone had some of the same feelings that I have. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and 2 months now and when our relationship began everything was great and I had no problem with other women or anything of the sort. After about 5 or 6 months I started to become really self conscious and didnt even like it if there was another woman in the room. so here I am now, 18 years old and I cannot even stand my boyfriend seeeing a nude woman on television. I know that this is ridiculous in every way, but I just cannot help how I feel. I have told him multiple times to leave me and find someone better and he just wouldnt have it, so I threatened to leave him for his own good so that he didnt have to deal with my stupid problems, of course I did not want to leave him, I just felt that perhaps he would be better off without me. I feel very overwhelmed when he even says hi to another woman, whether he knows them or not. I get to the point where I am so nasty towards him because I feel so insecure and just like i am fat and ugly and no good to anyone at all. I have had self harm anger and depression problems when I was younger, now I just seem disturbingly jealous and feel as though I am worthless. I looked up some symptoms of stress and I believe that could be causing some real damage to me and my relationship. This guy is the best, We met two years ago when I was 16 and now we have been living together for about 5 months. I feel very guilty about how I treat him. He reassures me constantly and I know he would never do anything with anyone and he can be trusted, It just seems that I am in so deep that I cannot get out. I have very low self esteem. Back to the stress thing, I feel that perhaps that could play a huge part within m y problems. I have so many things to worry about all the time, recently it has been the question of where are we going to live and how are we going to support ourselves because we live with his mom and her boyfriend which is stressful enough. I also have an extremely jealous/controlling/rotten mother who hates my boyfriend because I always wanted to spend my time with him and not her when I lived at home, but if i would stay home one day to spend time with her she didnt want anything to do with me. She constantly brings me down, I truly cannot remember the last time I talked to my mom and didnt end up crying after. Also I have a horse that my grandmother boutght me that I have had for 3 years and I had to board her somewhere because I moved from the country to the city and have no place for her and the deal with that is I pay a portion and my grandmother pays a portion for me to keep her at the stable and I just got fired from my job and cannot find another so other people are having to help me pay which makes me feel really bad, also I dont know if I can keep my horse at this place for the winter so I am faced with the fact that I might have to sell my best friend whom I have a very strong bond with, and I do not have my license and EVERYONE harps on me to get it, but I do not have the experience because my mother would not bring me to practice and I have no one else to practice with, on top of that, my grandmother just bought me a car for graduation that I had no say in at all when I was supposed to be able to choose my own car, and that just makes me feel ungrateful and like if she knew she would be dissapointed. I dont know what to do about any of this, I suppose a lot of things I will have to straighten out on my own. As far as the jealousy, insecurity,low self esteem, possible depression,unhappiness, poor self image, negativity and stress I am pretty content. Also one last thing, my sex life has decreased severely since I started living with my boyfriend. We went from 2-3 times a day to 5 days a week and he seems to be acting a little strangely, I know hes not cheating and I wouldnt suspect that because of who he is, but I hope he isnt bored with me or starting to become less interested in me. could there be other reasons why he possibly would be acting differently? I just am a little suspiscous that he might have something else going on that is making him not want to or not feel like having sex with me. Thank you if you dare to read.

#9 MISSUNDERSTOOD

MISSUNDERSTOOD

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 16 December 2010 - 02:54 PM

After reading all of your messages, i feel a lil relieved that im not alone. My family and friends say that i shouldnt be thinking these kind of things, and maybe i need to talk to someone. Im not sure if i have OCD even though i have all the symptoms for it, BUT heres my story. Im 21, and i have been with my boyfriend now for almost a year. Hes the best guy ive met. I love him, and i know he loves me. I was diagnosed with narcolepsy not too long ago.. and put on aderall. I do have to say that my medicine helps a lil with the thoughts ive been having recently, but not fully. I was interested in finding out a lil about my boyfriends past and i didnt really like what i found out... he had one true girlfriend when he was in highschool. This mind you was about ten years ago but they dated up till college. I think they were together for about three years. He didnt "date" anyone after the fact until he met me. Of course he probably slept with a few ppl but that i do not want to even know. I had a boyfriend for all four years while i was in highschool and i could give two craps about him today... ok... i found out who his ex was and what she looked like and it killed me. i saw all of her pictures and just thought WOW. i do have very low self esteem and it gets in the way of how i think. i cant help but think when he goes out to the bar... will she show up there?? or when he wants to go to a certain place... why will she be there?? or if theres a girl on tv that resembles her i think... is he thinkin of her?? ext... Weve talked about it a couple months past and he says that it was a long time ago and that he doesnt care about her... he doesnt love her and the past is the past but i cant help how i am thinking and i think its ruining my relationship. When he told me that he doesnt love her and that was a long time ago i believe him... but then once hes not around and i look at the pictures.. its almost like he never said it at all... shes not that good looking... i mean shes average but idk what it is about her... maybe that its his only ex idk but when we first got together his friends would bring her up and thats when i wanted to find out more... which i really wish i hadnt. I cannot help but look at her pictures and tell myself that she isnt that pretty and that he loves me and doesnt care about her but even after saying all those things to myself i cant help but think does he?? does he care about her?? would he sit there and talk to her at the bar while im at home sleeping bc i have to wake up in the morning... funny thing is is that he doesnt even know a thing about what im thinking. The only thing i told him is that i didnt care for everyone talking about her and he told me all of the above.. so please i seriously have to ask.. what do you do?? i really dont think that going to a therapist or talking to someone every week will help i need self help first.. does anyone out there have any idea as to what i can do to stop these horrible thoughts in my head..??

#10 Eanne

Eanne

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:12 PM

I have been having an awful time. Every relationship I've been in has always had anxiety. I started talking zoloft a few years ago and it kind of helped. My last bf lied to me and made all the suspicion and obsessive thoughts worse. I am always suspicious even when I don't have a reason to be. I am now with a new bf and it just feels like my feeling carried over to this relationship. I'm starting luvox now and it blocks the thoughts but I still have a little anxiety.

#11 MomWithOCDSon

MomWithOCDSon

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 3,146 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Midwest
  • Interests:All things PANDAS, OCD, travel, pets, education

Posted 05 April 2016 - 02:54 PM

Eanne --  In our experience, the obsessive thinking is a particularly insidious form of OCD, and it can be really hard to "let go" and just keep moving, with a positive outlook and intention.  I'm glad you're trying an SSRI again, particularly if it helped you in the past.  As for the anxiety, it may be that it will be your companion at times, even with the obsessive thinking itself better under control; easier said than done, I know, but the key, really, is to acknowledge it but move past it so that your functionality and general quality of life aren't tremendously negatively impacted.

 

There are some lifestyle things you could try for better managing the anxiety, including diet, sleep patterns, supplementation, etc.  And there's also cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) which can help some people tremendously with anxiety and behaviors like OCD that are borne of anxiety. 

 

In the end, if this (or any) relationship is important to you and you're aware that your anxiety is negatively impacting it, then it would certainly be worth the time and effort to take care of yourself in this regard and try some new things for helping quell the anxiety.  For many of us, it can be a little like throwing spaghetti against the wall and seeing what sticks, as no two people are quite the same when it comes to brain chemistry or lifestyle so what works for one may not work for another.  But don't get too discouraged or give up; you'll figure it out!

 

Take care!


Nancy
Mom of PANDAS DS18, Freshman in College


#12 ocdguy

ocdguy

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 1 posts

Posted 31 July 2016 - 03:05 PM

Some people think that you need to get out of your head and they're just really wrong. Even people you knew for a long time may view behavior in terms of themselves and how you're affecting them. I think as people mature they realize that people have many different issues.

#13 Handond

Handond

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 2 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:CA
  • Interests:sport, business, travel

Posted 20 April 2017 - 05:16 PM

Start with small things, little, healthy goals (eating a proper meal once a day, walking around a store, something just a little out of your comfort zone). If you can stick with this, the little things start to make you feel better overall. Start walking on a course on motivation. For example, my brother attended lectures of this speaker http://ghinsberg.com...tional-speaker/.






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users