OCD jealousy ruining my relationship
Posted 15 April 2008 - 02:53 PM
Let me give ya'll a little insight on my past first, though: My last boyfriend was the boyfriend from ######.. I lived with him too but only for a month, and it was over a year ago, but I dated him for almost 2 years.. he was one of those guys who sort of "brainwashes" you, he was very controlling (ex: if I bought new clothes or looked cute, he would question me about it, who I was looking all cute for, etc.) He was very mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive. Over the course of our relationship, he broke up with me or "took a break" 8 TIMES! My family liked him at first but then they just grew to dislike him the more he hurt their daughter. Like I said, I lived with him for less than a month, and when I finally got the courage to break it off with him, the only way I knew I could do it was when he wasn't there. He had gone on a business trip for 3 or 4 days, so one morning I emailed my mom (like I usually do) and told her what I wanted to do. By that afternoon, my older brother, my dad and I had the apartment cleaned of my things.. I didn't talk to him at all, when he called my work (like 30 times) i just told him i couldn't talk.. When he finally got back to our apartment I was long gone. That's the end of that..
I met my current boyfriend a week before I moved out from the ex's. in no way did my current boyfriend push me to do that, but over the 4 days that my ex wasn't in town I spent alot of time with him and we started to like each other more and more. In a way, I think he helped me do it (even though he doesn't know) he was the extra little push that I needed to move out of that horrible place. Now, like I mentioned, we live together, have so much fun together, I even got him a puppy for his birthday.. who might as well by our child, lol. He's a very laid-back southern boy, who doesn't play mind games and he hatttttess to fight. The only arguments we have ever had have always been caused by me! He tells me that I just "think too much" .. which is true. I started obsessing over his ex's when I found out about them.. and the number of girls he slept with .. which isn't a high number by the way.. and he's only had 2 ex girlfriends.. soo I know it would definitely be alot worse if I were dating anyone else.. He tells me to leave the past in the past but I just can't help but think about his past.. and everytime i think about it i just relive it, its like it's happening RIGHT NOW and then I just get mad.. I can be at work all day long, and I wont see him until he gets off work later at night.. but throughout the whole day i just get mad over things that happened over a year ago!! It builds up inside me then by the time he gets home from work he can just tell that's something is wrong with me by how im acting.. I eventually spill it, but i look for ways to bring it up and make him look guilty. He hates to fight, so he usually just wont argue with me, but sometimes he will. I know that he loves me and we've talked about getting married someday. His family really likes me, he's always taking me back home with him for weddings and other events. He's from a really small town, so i know pretty much everyone he knows. But when he goes home by himself, I will just cry and cry when he leaves and I just put these scenerios together in my head. . like his ex girlfriends being there.. and i just get so upset. By the time he comes back home to me, I'm mad at him.. for something that I THOUGHT he was doing, but I know he wasn't. I'll bring it up and when he tells me that its not true, i feel like an idiot for thinking that but i'm also torn b/c i really was thinkin about him doing those things.
I know that he worries about me, because my weight fluctuates, i'm constantly having a stomach ache, my headaches, etc. He's told me that he feels bad when I get so upset (which i bring on to myself) because he thinks that I'm just so unhappy with him.. BUt I am! I just dont know how to control these thoughts, obsessions. I have a great job, family and friends who love me. I know that if I knew how to control this problem, that I could be truley happy.. Last night, we were talking about how he's worried about my stomach problems, etc., and he mentioned that his mom and sister both take Zoloft for stress and that maybe i should look into it. Does anyone know if Zoloft helps?? Any advice on all of this would be appreciated more than you know.
Posted 15 April 2008 - 11:05 PM
Posted 18 April 2008 - 02:55 PM
Posted 20 April 2008 - 05:33 PM
Posted 21 April 2008 - 12:17 PM
It's so hard NOT to want to know though.. I know that I don't want or need to know anything but I feel like I can't control my mouth! It's so frustrating. I know that life is good. I have a great family and a great job and friends.. I'm only 20 and I have so many worriesa bout my parents.. my dad's retired at the age of 46, so they have money problems.. and I have always felt like it's my DUTY to help those in need; however, it's caused me to be IN NEED now.. I think that I may just blow my problems up into more than what they really are.. I'm going to my doctor today, once again.. He's told me that I have a UTI, even though the test came back negative .. I didnt have enough bacteria in my system for it to be a UTI.. But I have taken 3 anitbiotics and nothing seems to help. Does stress cause stomach pain?? Any girls reading this should understand... so imagine this: Flex your stomach/lower stomach muscles.. and it hurts. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?? I've looked up stress and it's causes and symptoms and a lot of them seem to match. (i.e. stomach pain, headaches, irritability, OCD) When I go to the doctor today I'm going to ask him about Zoloft and see if maybe that will help with some of my problems.. I'm just worrying myself sick about my stomach issue and then everything else from my previous post.. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks so much
Posted 05 June 2008 - 01:52 PM
I am also a sufferer of OCD, and I have problems with my dating relationships and what I think is my OCD. I'm 24, and every time I have ever started a dating relationship with a girl, I begin to start having thoughts about the last girl that I liked. These thoughts are unwanted and give me GREAT ANXIETY, b/c I feel so guilty for dating someone while still having thoughts and feelings about someone else. Eventually, I get to a point where I have to break off the relationship b/c the thoughts are so constant and give me so much anxiety. This time, I am trying to work through it by telling my girlfriend about these thoughts, but that hasn't really helped. I still have a ton of anxiety and guilt about it and am always wanting to break up with my girlfriend b/c it makes the anxiety go away, but she is awesome and I know that I don't really want to break up with her, it's just my dang OCD. Has anyone ever gone through this as well???? For a long time, I thought it was just fear of committment, which may be part of it. But I feel so guilty for putting her through this...I'm scared that if we do break up, then she's going to feel like I'm going back to the girl I used to like. any thoughts? am I really that crazy?
Posted 23 September 2008 - 10:49 PM
Posted 26 October 2008 - 12:07 AM
Posted 16 December 2010 - 02:54 PM
Posted 29 March 2016 - 09:12 PM
Posted 05 April 2016 - 02:54 PM
Eanne -- In our experience, the obsessive thinking is a particularly insidious form of OCD, and it can be really hard to "let go" and just keep moving, with a positive outlook and intention. I'm glad you're trying an SSRI again, particularly if it helped you in the past. As for the anxiety, it may be that it will be your companion at times, even with the obsessive thinking itself better under control; easier said than done, I know, but the key, really, is to acknowledge it but move past it so that your functionality and general quality of life aren't tremendously negatively impacted.
There are some lifestyle things you could try for better managing the anxiety, including diet, sleep patterns, supplementation, etc. And there's also cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) which can help some people tremendously with anxiety and behaviors like OCD that are borne of anxiety.
In the end, if this (or any) relationship is important to you and you're aware that your anxiety is negatively impacting it, then it would certainly be worth the time and effort to take care of yourself in this regard and try some new things for helping quell the anxiety. For many of us, it can be a little like throwing spaghetti against the wall and seeing what sticks, as no two people are quite the same when it comes to brain chemistry or lifestyle so what works for one may not work for another. But don't get too discouraged or give up; you'll figure it out!
Mom of PANDAS DS18, Freshman in College
Posted 31 July 2016 - 03:05 PM
Posted 20 April 2017 - 05:16 PM
Start with small things, little, healthy goals (eating a proper meal once a day, walking around a store, something just a little out of your comfort zone). If you can stick with this, the little things start to make you feel better overall. Start walking on a course on motivation. For example, my brother attended lectures of this speaker http://ghinsberg.com...tional-speaker/.
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